Aloha *(o.o)*

Aloha...

The world is full of colour, but sometimes it full of dull as well. 

As well...

I do not know why I like to add on "as well" behind, 

it seems the word can beautify the sentence with no doubts. 

By the way, this is not what I want to say today. 

Hmm... 

Today, ....

It seems a long long time i did not write my blog, 

what a lame opening... 

which I always use to be repeating. 

I still haven't know what should I write for now. 

I just typing, typing and typing for nothing. 

Okay, 

today, i did something great in my life. 

SKYTREKKING. 

What a good experience for me, 

because there is a long long long period I did not do any sports...

since my pre-university and university studies. 

I am so stressed up, since this semester's subjects are such a burden for me. 

Not only that, this fews months, 

I am so sad, because my face full of pimples,

which hardly can cured by now, 

and my health problems become more serious. 

Hair loss, big belly, and pimple face. 

I can't imagine my current appearance. 

Not even school, or gathering. 

Everyone is asking about my face, 

and sometimes I feel so embarrassing. 

Because I do not know how to explain my face condition. 

=.=! It is so hard to explain as well. 

I tried a lot of methods, but it seems useless. 

Haiz. Sigh. 

But, I am not going to GIVE UP so easily. 

This is not me, if I give up so easily. 

I am Carmen. 

Brave Carmen. 

Not like last time de Carmen.

So stay tuned. 

I will return with a new look. 

So again. 

STAY TUNED. 

8)

 

R.E.A.L.I.T.Y

Think another side,
I would like to think something positive now.
You can say I am trying to escape the reality.
AND YES I DO.
Always think the bad side, doesn't change the reality.
Reality is cruel, and we have to admit that.

This world more or less need some cruel, violence, or even selfish people.
Or patient, honest, soft-hearted people.
Balance both side.
To make an equality of harmony.
WoW, the philosophy of mine sounds so "deep"!
I do not know even know I could write this kind of sentence in my entire life.
But YES I DO.
And now I did it in front of my lappy.
Kinda proud of myself.

By the way,
   HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY!
 
Nights.

No caption

I tried my best to study some subjects which is not belong to me at the first place.
Study something I hate the most last time.
Interested with something I do not ever know I will in my entire life.
The incident are fate.
Like coincidence.

But, something is not coincidence.
No matter how hard you try to avoid,
no matter how hard you try not to afraid,
no matter how hard you try not to give up,
it is super duper hard.
Counseling will stands only temporarily,
but not hard enough.
Not hard enough to persuade someone to follow what you think.

Become a psychologist, is hard above the sky.
As I do not ever know how to control my own emotions,
do not know how to solve the problems,
and I do not know how hard to give up from this family.
I hope to study overseas, and leave my family here.
Let's them alone.
But, I can't do so.
I still have my youngest brother and sister.
I still have them.
They still need me,  under my care.
I have no ways to escape.
Escape from this reality that I desired not to happen in my life.

I am very tired, super duper tired.
Plus, very stressed out.
Please!

Birthday appreciation. What??!? I hv no ideas what to put for title. (Don't judge, just read)

My birthday ended perfectly.
No party, no cakes, no extra presents from friends.
Purely DINNER with family.
It is fun, especially this year.
And thank you for your wishing.
You gave me surprise too without realising.
Hahhaha....
Such a good brother you are,
remember my birthday.
HahahaHahA.....

I know I keep mumbling that my birthday is coming soon.
But after the long long semester break, I thought you totally forgotten.
Luckily you remember.
If not, Carmen Lim gonna knock your head.
Just kidding, how dare I knock your head o?
Your texting seriously have warmed my heart.
Hahaha....
This year's birthday only can use one word to describe "SWEET"
All my friends and THE ONLY YOU are so sweet to wish me.
Last and no least, 
                  THANK YOU "LILY FLOWER"'s wishing. 
Every year, your message or wishing seems to be the most SWEETEST in the world.
REALLY?
YA, YOU ARE.
The longest wishing message, it seems that you never forget me. XP
You are the most "true" person to wish me.
Once again.
Thank you Lily flower.
Always view my blog secretly.
I hope you can find your another behalf as soon as possible.
Since you are so cheerful and active. :)
You will, so do I.
By the way, I still missed your midnight wishing.
Hahaa.. :)

An early and unexpected birthday 25092014

Supposing tomorrow is my birthday, 

due to the semester breaks fall on next week,

so I didn't expect to get any celebrations AT ALL.

However, it is glad that my super 38 friends celebrated with me.

With 2 cakes. Gosh! Hahaha..... Imma gonna fat soon.

We just know each other only after enrolling the course, specifically on this March intake orientation. 

But you guys just...

                       TOTALLY AWESOME!!

You guys really did something that out of my expectation. 

Thanks for everything you guys have done for me. 

Thanks for lending a hand, when I was in need.

Thanks for every consolation or strength that you guys have gave me. 

Thanks for accompany me to finish every single task, such as assignments, mid-term, and finals. 

Thanks for final checking for my assignment, although you guys are busying with yours too.

Thanks for the caring and your existence in my university life.

Thanks for fetching me in such early morning to school from two little emo guys, but treated me so kind.

All the thanks that I have made are unlimited. 

Last and no least, thanks for remembering my birthday.

Add-ons:

***        I know you guys are suffering thinking what favour of cake should you guys buy for me in the bakery, but finally you guys found it, because of the reason: "Carmen Lim loves Green Tea Latte in school, so Green Tea should be suited her more."

             Secretly, I want to tell you guys what was my expression totally looks like at that time   -_-!

                          JUST KIDDING!!! Don't mad lah. 

***       Actually you guy's surprise failed, because someone accidentally slipped out of "his" mouth.  

***       Now I only realised I got one picture of one of my cake, another one in everyone's stomach.

                                Don't judge me NOOB pls. 

                 "CUZ BIRTHDAY GIRL IS THE QUEEN OF THE DAY/ WEEK."

HAHAHAHAHA...

Geram betul right?? Hahaha....

Then continue your "geram-ness" ba! (^.^)

I do not know. I do not know.

Semester 2 began so fast and now i already in the middle of Sem 2.
Time flies fast, doesn't you think so?
I thought both of us will be super duper busy until no time to meet each other.
But, yay.
You still meet me at Lunch Box, although we sit at different corner, with different buddies.
I thought everything was coming to the end at last semester, but it seems nope.
There are a lot of memories came into my mind, suddenly.
Because of you, I break my limit.
Watch the very first horror movie in my life.
The thrill of the horror movie in the cinema.
The warm embrace.
It imprinted in my mind.
No matter how, once i followed my friends to the cinema for a movie.
Your shadow came into my mind.
Impressive, right?
I do not know.
I just enjoy the feeling of missing you.
The person who sit besides me that always console me when I was scared.
I know in that moment you were scared too.
But you still console me with a hug.
I thought it won't happen again.
But....
Once again, it happened.
Yesterday, I go Sunway for movie.
And my friend accidentally bought the wrong ticket,
and this became my NIGHTMARE.
I was scared because it was a horror movie.
Again my head reflexed to the right side, just like the first movie with you.
I realised something.
The seat was empty.
Again I know.
You are not with me this time.
I am alone.
Without your hug, and without your consolation.
The feeling is so strong.
The feel of missing someone.
It is so unbearable.
I thought I give up long time ago.
Don't I?
And why my heart still pain?
I do not know. I do not know.

Sem 2 (Y)

Semester 2 is just begun.
So far so good, if you are not including my family issues.
Family issues are so annoying.
Ignore that, please!
I do not want any unhappy things "ruined" my mood of writing.
However, Carmen is proud to be a Semester 2 student.

*Clap Clap*

Carmen's plan 8)

Now is my semester break and I got a lot of plans for it.
First, I have to go for an oral checking.
Go dentist to check weather I am suitable for doing my braces.
Oh Gosh...
Braces...
Here's the beginning.
Next, I am going to my Penang trip with my coolest Psych gang.
Backpacking... From KL --> Ipoh --> Penang.
By train --> van --> cycling.
Eat, play and get fun from the whole journey...
Don't ask me now itself, because my trip's journey is on next week.
Afterward, I need to buy my books.
I haven't redeem my 1 Malaysia voucher in any bookstores.
T.T
And now it is going to be expired soon.
Oh Gosh...
The bad news is, the voucher can't be redeemed with stationaries by using so.
Oh Gosh...
You think I am a typical bookworm or what??
I am not.
This is impossible for me to finish my RM250 voucher on that books.
Hahahaha.....
I know what kind of material I am.
I don't think so I will be a good reader of some of the fiction books.
Honestly...
And,
I am not that hardcore person...

So, flip the back on...
Waiting for saviour to save me now.
Not me, BUT MY BOOK VOUCHERSSSS....
Hahaha.....

Desire to become 那个女孩

”韩庚 那个女孩“
I wish to become "那个女孩"...
I wish to become the girl...
I hope I can get embrace from the one I love and at the same time the person that loves me.

Suddenly in love with this song and found a song that can really makes me cry.
Everyone hopes for this kind of relationship, but failed to get.
Love seems to be easy, but hard to be reached.
"So near yet so far."
The best thing to describe how love touch in everyone's heart.
Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wvDV9GMRks

World cup Love + Hate

Since this is the new beginning of me,
and I should take the challenge as a part of my life.
Life never be in your favour.
Always and always.

Not awkward situation after the rejection.
Bros are bros.
We are just alike fantastic!
Plus, this World Cup waves pull me into the bad nightmares!
Gosh! I still got a bundle of exam to overcome,
and YOU come in the wrong timing.
You make my day in worst, but at the same time in good.
SPORTS are the only thing that I still can chat with him.
Sometimes, we will argue what and what, so and so!
"Dive...Not counted as a good ball.."
"What the hell...You think you really the coach arh?? >.< hahaha..."

Besides that, I did something awesome!
I always sleep like a PIG,
and because of the World Cup fever...
I managed to wake up during the midnight!!!!
It alike DURIAN RUNTUH !!!!
Hahaha....Sorry for insane....
I know today I am happy + insane.

And I love myself so much today!!!  :p

You will never know my pain, if I did not ever tell you what is the wrong of me.

You will never know my pain, if I did not ever tell you what is the wrong of me. 

I am so suffering in this month. 

Although this is already past a month, but it still kills my heart. 

Rejection of it makes me hard to reveal my heart to another person. I scared the feeling being hurt again. This is painful and I really do not want to get through it again and again. Just like a cycle. But it is impossible. The days are the days. 

Laugh. I did laugh in front of my friends, always and always. 

A psychologist say: "If a person laughs too much, even at stupid things, she or he lonely deep inside."

As a result, I personally proved the statement is truth. 

But, why can't you give me a hope? 

A hope maybe enlighten me. 

I know you just do not want to give me a fake hope.

Since short term pain better than log term pain, but still it kills me.

I know. 

When the days come unexpectedly, it is hard to push it away, because you cannot bear of the seduction.

 And I am the type of girl with unstable willpower enough to overcome the matter. 

I am such a loser, I admit. 

This is not a good sign of me to startup my new relationship.

 It imprints in my heart. 

The scars are deep. I have no ideas how to get through it. 

Pain and sorrow alone with the cold weather + heavy rain.

RANDOM

"New beginning, new miracle.

This is what I can conclude for my current semester. 

It is fun and enjoyable."

-Carmen-

After the rejection, he treated me as good as past.

Although the treats me as a sister. 

But, I did not ever mind about that. 

Time gone very fast, isn't? 

"Promise me find a better guy that me.."

In the texting, I seem to be a mistake to make a deal with you.

If I really like you, I won't ever mind to wait for you;

although we are different course or different subject.

I know you tried not to give me a hope, 

because you did not ever want a relationship. 

I can understand and I can forgive you. 

This is just my wishful thinking.

I know. 

天秤女的我

天秤伤过后会痛，会不相信爱情。但再一段爱情来临他们却会像小绵羊乖乖的去爱一个人。天秤天生的占有欲让他爱情路上吃苦比别人都要多，天秤爱别人多过爱自己，天秤会因为别人而哭而不会因为自己而哭，天秤无比痛爱恋人，天秤是理想主义者，因为我就是天秤.

                              “你愿意告诉我你的心意，我已经很开心了。
                                   因为你的心里，至少还又我的影子。 ”
                                                         －小不点－

1..偷偷地关注你，关注你的微博个签说说 
2.会装作很轻松很平常的询问你的近况，一旦打开话匣便开始唠叨自己的生活希望同样被你了解。（对于无感的人秤子几乎不会主动联系） 
3.在自己的朋友面前大大咧咧在你的面前变得矜持害羞 有的时候甚至会顾左右而言它 
4.喜欢幻想，幻想跟你有关的的美好的一切，会跟最好的朋友分享这种喜悦所以如果你跟秤子在一起你会发现她的朋友早就知道你的存在 
5.因为秤子怕麻烦，但是为了你却开始会花心思为你做很多事情而且是完全不计回报的那种
6.秤子在真爱面前会特别天真特别单纯特别傻，如果你发现平时那个跟你又距离感说话有保留总是一副局外人的样子不复存在，那么恭喜你 
7.秤子其实很没安全希望有人可以依赖，可能她不是通过黏人撒娇的方式，但是你可以体会到她一百分相信你，很多决定都会来询问你的意见 
8.真正的天秤在面对喜欢的人会变得古灵精怪，但是如果你就站在她面前可能她又会突然变得胆小矜持。矛盾的天秤总是纠结应该淑女还是活泼好，如果她在你面前多变说明她是真的对你上心了 
9.秤子喜欢你那么向你表达了自己别扭的想念，你应该高兴因为能让她这么别扭的患得患失的人只有你了 
10.天秤女外表是骄傲的如果喜欢上你绝对立刻马上无限自卑，总认为自己不够好，在你面前各种紧张小心翼翼 
11.如果天秤喜欢你她会为了你变文静变温柔，有的天秤女外表强势其实内心很小女人哦。不要以为天秤女是所谓的淑女典型 
12.陷入爱情的天秤女真的满心都是你，而且会拒绝任何示好的异性，为了你而冷落自己关系好的异性朋友 
13.天秤爱你，不会逼你做你不愿意的事，她们善解人意会体谅人，性格真的很好。如果你的天秤女朋友天真性格好又会做饭又有自己的思想，好吧，赶紧领回家吧 
14.既然喜欢你天秤就会连你的缺点也一并喜欢，天秤虽然喜欢欣赏帅哥美女，但是对男朋友的要求真的不高，就是因为不高所以总是找不到称心如意的 
15.天秤喜欢你是会为你做一些可爱的事情，她们送给你的礼物往往是最用心的挑选，甚至自己亲手制作创意礼物。她们不会随便向异性示好，她们被动，如果开始对你热忱对你主动，恭喜你她喜欢你，至少她不会拒绝你的追求，至于是不是爱还得看天秤接下来的举动。
16.天秤面对真爱真的会很别扭，会很害羞。人多的场合甚至都不敢站到你身边，只会远远的偷看你。 
17.秤女在熟悉的异性面前很健谈，但是在喜欢的人的面前就会失去自己平常社交的本领。 
18.秤女是很重视朋友的人，如果秤女为了你爽朋友的约，可见她重视你。 
19.如果你和秤女约定见面，但是你有事情去迟了而且还是迟了几个小时。放心她一定会在那里等你。（如果秤女不喜欢你她肯定会给你发条短信或用其他方式告诉你她先走了） 
20.天秤女喜欢暗恋，不是会主动告白的人，如果有一天她主动告白。告诉你，这不仅仅是喜欢，而是爱。 

细数一下秤女的缺点，看了我举例的缺点如果你能包容的话（囧）： 
1.外表外向内心很闷，喜欢胡思乱想，超级没有安全感，虽然没安全感是现代人的通病。跟你在一起要真喜欢你，甚至可以随时患得患失。 
2.一旦在你这里不能获得安全感就会转移对象，比如和朋友开始待得多一点，对你忽冷忽热。 开始对你忽冷忽热了基本就是她自己范神经了，只能自愈。 
3.秤女人好，对所有人都好，你甚至不知道自己重不重要，现在就变成你患得患失了。 她自己招来桃花还不自觉，以为天下皆纯纯友情，容易妥协，容易对感情妥协。 
4.你可以相信天秤是可以自己和自己对话的，当他们沉浸在自己的世界中时，他们基本注意不到旁边人事的存在，任何人也都走不进去她的内心。 
5.他们就是大奇葩，你逼得越紧他们就越逃。你可以说他们有时候极没有担当，当然你更应该看看自己在他们心中的分量 
6.经常会搞消失，懒得说话的时候敷衍的样子真的最欠扁了 
7.可能会在心里将朋友分等级，你觉得你和她很好很好，其实你也不过是她的普通朋友之一。 
8.犹豫不决，爱思前顾后，这不是什么顾全大局的褒义之类，而是真正的拿不定注意，说白了就是性格别扭。 
9.唠叨，对自己喜欢的人喜欢管东管西的，尽管她自己心里清楚不要废话废事多，可就是喜欢照顾人，当然次数多了或者时间久了会招人烦。= = 
10.总有些怪癖。你觉得她脾气好，哈哈，等你们变得亲密了，你就会知道她的脾气多怪异，性格多难搞。 

喜欢秤子请慎重，这类星座人士都有一个特点，擅长冷暴力，擅长自虐和虐人。 
喜欢秤子请考虑清楚，一旦被这类星座人士爱上了，这个世界上就只有你一个人独享她了。
哈哈哈，╭(╯3╰)╮ 

06052014

Time flies, degree semester one is going to the end of the point.

Examinations, assignments and stuffs for submission are just around the corner. 

Time do not await you, but you have to catch yourself. 

I now that, but when facing him, I just stunt. 

I do not how to behave, act or sometimes even doing something stupid. 

This is the effect of that. 

I guess?

miss the moment

In degree,
I am happy than last time.
More fun and surprises I got from my friends.
Besides that, I found my partner.
Although I can't bear with "Oculus", because of him.
I went with him and my other friends to watch horror for the first time at Sunway.
I still remember how scare is the movie is.
I still remember how I get into his arm.
I still remember how he tap my head.
I still remember how he console me.
I still remember how he protect me, although he is scare at that time.
But, I do not how to say out.
Is that I LOVE YOU hard to say so?

Degree Week 3

As everyone knows, pre-university leave in silent.
And now is University's turn.
This blog did follow me since my high school itself.
From a childish little girl becomes mature lady.
No meant to praise myself.
But I felt proud of myself.
Degree Week 3...
GAMBATEH!

Badass Day

Time flies,
I know that my pre-university life is gone.
It will never be a back, but a throwback.

**********************************************

Today is my first blogging in 2014,
I know this might be a brand new opening for me.
I have sick from 2013 till 2014.
I think this is enough for me to brush up my new year.
For me,
sick is not a problem,
but depression is.
I am gonna depress after my Chinese New Year.
I don't care whether you believe or not.
But I am sure for me, is YES.
Totally YES.
Why?
You might be questioning: WHY?
Because my brother is going to join back to our big family.
Eldest brother!
Yeah!
You might be questioning again.
He is your family member and why are you depressing?
This is because I can't think my life or my family live WITH him.
We never live together before.
And he,
suddenly appear and ask to live with us.
This makes a different for me and my family itself.
I couldn't live with someone I do not know well with my family.
I do not want the noisy life back.
Argue non-stop because of him.
Maybe you are right.
He is your brother, you know get know with him well.
But, this is really unbearable.
How I feel is?
I have no any relationship with him.
For me,
this is an invisible forcing.
Forcing to regain the relationship that we hard to recover back.
I do not know what can I do?
But just earning more and more depressing.
More and more sadness behind the mirror.
:'(