Crossed mind.

The more I live in reality, the more I think, this reality doesn't belongs to me;
The more I crave for it, and it gives me a piece of shit every single time.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried for no reason.
Perhaps, too depressed.
University's life never been an easy journey.
When I be alone, I always turn dead end.
My problems never get settled, but accumulate becomes more and more.
I got friends, but sometimes, I was too shy to share my story.
Honestly, those stories weren't interesting, or pitiful.
I don't mean to crave for people's sympathy, but purely want to shout out my story.
Those true friends are good and kind.
When I need helps, I know they are willing to help, but not always.
The more I asked, the more I feel they are annoyed by me.
The spirit of asking, sometimes becomes so unbearable.
And nowadays, my degree life seems to be so enjoyable, but suffering as well.
No one lives peacefully in their studies.
No pain, no gain. I know.
But,
do I look like too stupid?
or,
I didn't put much efforts to achieve what I want?
I am not trying to play and waste my time for my study.
Just the more deeper I studied into the subject, the more I feel the hardness digest awaits me.
Life never been, I admit and I know.
Struggling in the difficult time is one of the process.
The idea of failure crossed my mind, so oppressive.
Problematic and sometimes feel insecure.
I ain't complaining.
Just I feel, I was walking to the wrong direction of my life.
WRONG DIRECTION.

Why?

Why I care his feeling more than mine?
Why I feel sad when he not believe me?
I am trying to help, but why?
Am I too busy body?