Internship Experience December 2015 + Christmas without Family

From (M'sia) Kuala Lumpur --> Hong Kong --> Dubai --> Oman --> Dubai --> Hong Kong --> Malaysia. 

Here's my real route for travelling and internship. At first, I thought this will be a wonderful experience for me, but then I never know it's so exhausted. I face a lot of issues that I never consider about. I got problems regarding visa, as I just an intern, make a visa is problematic. Second, I am under-age plus travelling alone is quite an inconvenience. Third, I got jet lag and for several days, it really takes some time to recover. Fourth, immobility during flight with chronic sleep deprivation made myself damn tiring. Tired yet I still need to wake up so early every day to work. I really need my own "body clock" or Circadian Rhythms to regulate my sleep patterns, as I knew it's the effect of jet lag. I can't eat well, sleep well and I feel I am so stressed up. 

Now, it was already 3 weeks in Dubai, everything seems to be on my track now. During my fabulous internship experience at the beginning, I think I can't be a receptionist, until today I am allocated in Marketing Department as an intern. People used to say "never try never know" and I extremely agree with this statement now. Personally, I am a shy person. Trust me I don't even know why am I so shy sometimes and I seldom find topics to interact with others because it was hard for me to do so. Eventually, I don't have many friends in my circle.  

Therefore, people will approach me and guide me when I was in need. I appreciated them so much for existing in my life. Especially this internship trip! Without my uncles and aunts, I don't think I able to settle down so fast. Serve me with good food and comfortable stay. I feel blessed with the full heart.  Without them, I feel so lost in the airport and might be unable to find accommodation in the very last minute. Thank you so much! Also my colleagues, in the multicultural workplace, it's a great experience to meet everyone with different skin colours, eye colours, cultures, background, and religions. We used to speak English, although we have different languages in our home country. By chatting with them, it was really surprised to discover their unique cultures and lifestyle. From the way they speak, you can even see how they feel the proudness like it was an honour to tell other people regarding the magnificence of their home country. Only you know how shallow actually you were, if you never step out from your own country and get know their culture. It was also an indirectly knowledge sharing whislt learning. 

Without stepping out to other countries, you just a little frog under the well. You will never discover the beauty of the world. It was so huge to explore and you will get facinated easily. Some places full of ancient, historical; while some are so modern and classic. You will get enchanced by those brillants with their superb artworks and designs of buildings, and reflect them through different perceptives. It is also one of the way to regenerate and refresh your crtical thinking skill. 

25122015, Christmas without family members around. Feel a bit homesick, but then I didn't cry. I already expected I can't have Chritmas, New Year and Chinese New Year with family. Feel the loneliness, but then luckily I still got my uncles and aunts here. They are so friendly to plan everything for me, so thoughtful. Bring me to discover the beauty of DUBAI and ABU DHABI by road trip. Again, I feel to say thank you to them. Hundred thousand millions of appreciations were not enough for them, and I really want to salute them. Their thoughful suggestions in the workplace and travelling really help me a lot. 

THANK YOU I REALLY APPRECIATE THEM SO MUCH FOR EXISTING IN MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN! :) 

AND....

MEERY CHRISTMAS! 

Will it be my favour?

Along the journey of studying and I realised I was tired of everything. Tired of studying what I currently study, and tired of the workloads. Overwhelmed with those tensions and keep asking myself why am I not taking the initiative to move or exploring the outside world. Finally, I got the opportunity to tell my parents about my plan and here comes the mind of doing internship overseas.

I am studying International Business and Psychology, and this was my interest or so-called dream job when I was young. I got this mindset particularly comes from my behaviour. I love freedom and dislike to stay at one place for a long period, of course, home is my exception of consideration. 

Being a truly internationalist, explore and experience while working always be my dream in my deepest of my heart. When I received the offer letter of internship, honestly, I was so excited. I have been hoping so long and here is the chance for me. At the same time, I worried. Maybe I am not that independent as I think, I feel so miserable of my choice. Although the intern just 3 months, I already panicked. I wonder how huge changes will affect myself. I don't know. But it seems it's a great opportunity. So I am giving it a try. Hopefully all is well just like how I think. 

Will it be my favour? 

Trip back

Tat Ipoh trip makes me reminiscing a lot. 😚😚
Although it wasn't a grand trip, but everyone of us enjoy so much.
That's all.
We are "easy-satisfied" human beings.

Reminiscing of the day

xx，有必要的时候过来我们这边歇一会儿吧。。。
你也累了。。。
他们也是。。。
友情这种东西更本不算什么。。。
因为只有你珍惜的人才是伤害你最深的那个。。。
不要再为这些事而烦了。。。(Anonymous, 2010)

Last time, I used to have a very good friend to me. She was good and she could scold me. What she said, now only I fully understood. Maybe I am naive enough, so I am not really or truly understand what it actually means that time. I liked to argue with her, even it was a small tiny things. None of my business or those useless club president issue also will become an issue to argue. Until now, another best friend in my university told me the same time as well. Only I realised, besties, those besties only will tell you the truest words ever. I miss you guys! Really, missed you guys a lot. 

Pathetic

Sometimes, I feel myself such a pathetic girl. I admit I am not pretty, not smart enough, but I just got low confidence without reasons. I thought I am the best during my high school, but after I entered the University, the deeper I dragged the worst out. I am not the smartest, not even in my language. I thought I can handle English very well, and now I realised I am not. I feel I am too overconfident last time, which built a bad foundation in my thinking. What a shallow thinking. Personally, I feel ashamed to myself either.

I am such a poker face. Inner of me actually so nervous, but outer of me shows me a calm face. What? The expression of me, inside and outside, such a big difference. Don't ask me why. This is me. Is it a potential talent? If it is a talent, I would like to accept, but the problem is, this talent doesn't really recognised by others. This is what my mind that made me to think that way. Pathetic. Really pathetic. I feel I got no talents at all, useless.

BACKSTAB

I can't image that there is a day I will be backstabbed by friends, which I think they are the best throughout my University's life. Friends that I even appreciated so much in my life, friends that I feel they really trusted on me, and no matter I need helps, they will stand besides me and defend on my behalf. Until today only I realised, those bloody hell friendship are only my pipe dream. A fond dream.

I feel so guilty at first, for the accident of scrolling her FB, which she wasn't log out yesterday by using my laptop. I am out of curious and discovered those chats, you know, how hurt was that... I know it is wrong, because those are their confidential, but sorry that I had done it secretly. Those chat regarding me, was such cruel likes a knife. Be nice and kind in front me, and then use a knife to backstab behind me. Those promises that have done to me, were a bundle of lies. Find her and her, when you are in trouble in any circumstances, are nonsense. You know. Nonsense. You guys' chat mentioned: "Just ignore her. She wouldn't care!", "She won't angry you, although you didn't reply her!", "I think she didn't try her best, she just keeps rely on us!"... What? Everything I asked you guys, did I asked you guys to lend me your assignment or homework to me? Did I asked for answers or anything? You can borrow to "him" without hesitation, but me. What? I didn't ever ask you guys like that, I just asked you guys to help me in some particular questions. Asking questions regarding how to do and so on, but not answers at all.

I really feel so disappointed with you guys, looking down to me. I am not a threaten or anything for you guys, but you guys just acted so kiasu behind of me. I am simple, you good to me; I good to you. My thinking was so naive. So innocent. I thought if I sincere with you guys, you will do the same to me. Only today I realised, it wasn't. That's only your imagination. Unreality thinking. This is so shocked, seriously shocked. Your poker face. Poker face.

Crossed mind.

The more I live in reality, the more I think, this reality doesn't belongs to me;
The more I crave for it, and it gives me a piece of shit every single time.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried for no reason.
Perhaps, too depressed.
University's life never been an easy journey.
When I be alone, I always turn dead end.
My problems never get settled, but accumulate becomes more and more.
I got friends, but sometimes, I was too shy to share my story.
Honestly, those stories weren't interesting, or pitiful.
I don't mean to crave for people's sympathy, but purely want to shout out my story.
Those true friends are good and kind.
When I need helps, I know they are willing to help, but not always.
The more I asked, the more I feel they are annoyed by me.
The spirit of asking, sometimes becomes so unbearable.
And nowadays, my degree life seems to be so enjoyable, but suffering as well.
No one lives peacefully in their studies.
No pain, no gain. I know.
But,
do I look like too stupid?
or,
I didn't put much efforts to achieve what I want?
I am not trying to play and waste my time for my study.
Just the more deeper I studied into the subject, the more I feel the hardness digest awaits me.
Life never been, I admit and I know.
Struggling in the difficult time is one of the process.
The idea of failure crossed my mind, so oppressive.
Problematic and sometimes feel insecure.
I ain't complaining.
Just I feel, I was walking to the wrong direction of my life.
WRONG DIRECTION.

Why?

Why I care his feeling more than mine?
Why I feel sad when he not believe me?
I am trying to help, but why?
Am I too busy body?

可惜没如果。

如果任何事没有如果，是否我们会开心一些呢？

不会活在遗憾當中，不会后悔自己所做的一切？

有谁可以告诉我吗？

我，渐渐的在意你的一切。

你的一举一动，喜怒哀乐，但你有发现到我吗？

难道我真的在你心中，一文不值吗？

还是你还没发现我这个毛毛虫呢？

This is not a HOME...

In this home, there is no "home sweet home", but a suffering and torturing place. Many people wonder why will I say so. I do not mean that I do not ever have a sweet time with my family, I have, but too little. Because I know, after the sweet moment, the nightmares begin. The feeling is so suffocating. Unbreathable. Not really acceptable by me, in a time. Made me feel to escape, escaped from this oppressed "home".

Why my family doesn't in my favour? Always. I tried, but sometimes I don't have enough guts to face the truth. Truth is cruel enough to kill a person's mind. Honestly, I don't want to accept the fact, but you "pushed" me into the fire, and "forced" me to accept this cruel reality. Do you know how much pressure am I, when I was the person who standing in the middle of both of you two? Unbearable. I do not know how hard I could survive under this shock circumstance, in any hour, minutes or seconds. Is it what should I deserved in my childhood?

War. Your argument is considered as a war, for me. Do you ever notice that? My head gonna blow off, when you two begin the "war". I know, sometimes it is uncontrollable in certain situation, but do you aware of your children? How scare are they? Do you ever think about that? Do you take their fear as your concern? Both of you didn't.

Mum, I know you tried so hard to avoid from this. From hot-tempered behaviour to more appropriate one. I can't judge which side is correct and which one is wrong, because both of you got the responsibilities on this matter. An alcoholic father destroyed everything. Mentally and physically.

Midnight is a disaster. After consuming alcohol, the dream that supposedly befall to be sweet, broke. A home doesn't look likes a home. Only sorrowful mysteries. Tears under blanket. That's why I say: "If one day I can escape, I will." I hate that feeling a lot, feel to run away, but I couldn't do it myself. I still got my sister and brother. They can't survive without them. Do I have enough energy to take care them, as my brother is a hyperactive and autism patient? Do I have enough money to bring them and escape? I got too many concerns.  Too many. I feel I do not brave enough to face it.


In my home, hardly find happiness. That's why I wanna escape, because I don't even want to stay here for a second.

My problem or yours?

When you are studying, you are thinking for a break. But then, when it comes to break, you are thinking of study. Humans, humans, why you think so much? It is human's nature? I guess it is. 

Man, can I ask you a question? Why you guys so heartless? Why you be so mean to a girl? Are you the only one will get hurt in a relationship? Aren't we get enough priorities towards you? Then tell me why? Why you like to treat a girl like that? Because you are a guy, you wanna act yourself more like a man? Oh my God, treat a girl better please, especially she have devoted herself, mentally and physically. Do you think making a girl cry every night, means you win in this Games? You aren't. You just make yourself more ashamed. And for me, you are a coward. Harming the girl with words, shows how is your real personality. Girls are not a toy, so please treat a girl politely. It is an act of respect, to the girl and to yourself. When I see a girl cried, because of you, I feel she is so pitiful. Please, as a man, can you please stop hurting her again and again? 

Brother, can you just stop posting your selfies and your admired girl picture on Facebook? It is so annoying, and that's why I dislike to open my Facebook. I pretended you as my brother, so do you? I would like to appreciate your kindness attention, if you stop posting again, at least not on my first page of statues. Please~

Guys, guys, you guys really so hard to communicate. I picked my courage to speak with you, can you please speak, at least don't let me think that I am talking with a tree hole? Nope, nope. At least tree holes still have echoes, while you don't have any. Am I look like a monster? Terrible, horrible, hippopotamus scary monster? If I am, I apologise here, but if not, can you tell me why? My guts are precious, you know? Because I don't know how to speak something sweet, like toffee, or alike coy girl. I might be not so active kinda person, but I still hope you can talk with me. 

Guys are so weird, am I too naive and still haven't discover the reality or ...? I just don't understand, yet so curious. But then, why can I do?