You will never know my pain, if I did not ever tell you what is the wrong of me.

You will never know my pain, if I did not ever tell you what is the wrong of me. 

I am so suffering in this month. 

Although this is already past a month, but it still kills my heart. 

Rejection of it makes me hard to reveal my heart to another person. I scared the feeling being hurt again. This is painful and I really do not want to get through it again and again. Just like a cycle. But it is impossible. The days are the days. 

Laugh. I did laugh in front of my friends, always and always. 

A psychologist say: "If a person laughs too much, even at stupid things, she or he lonely deep inside."

As a result, I personally proved the statement is truth. 

But, why can't you give me a hope? 

A hope maybe enlighten me. 

I know you just do not want to give me a fake hope.

Since short term pain better than log term pain, but still it kills me.

I know. 

When the days come unexpectedly, it is hard to push it away, because you cannot bear of the seduction.

 And I am the type of girl with unstable willpower enough to overcome the matter. 

I am such a loser, I admit. 

This is not a good sign of me to startup my new relationship.

 It imprints in my heart. 

The scars are deep. I have no ideas how to get through it. 

Pain and sorrow alone with the cold weather + heavy rain.